Normally when I write a blog post it's because I've learned something from life, and not only do I want to see it written tangibly on the page so I can look back and reflect on it, I also want to share it with others. Recently I feel that my life has become extremely mundane, however, and I mostly feel like I don't have time to write, let alone anything to share. It's a far cry from the variety and excitement that comes with being a student. In Canterbury my life was often hard and challenging but it was never boring, and all the good things about it more than made up for the bad. Now, I have those home comforts I missed a lot when I was away, but the fun, the friends, the being involved in stuff I care about- all that has been put on hold for a while.
Truth be told, I'm missing it. But I know if I was back there part of me would always miss home. And that something I'm getting used to- the sad fact that we can't have everything we want all at once. I suppose if we did, we wouldn't appreciate it enough anyway.
I am fully aware that I should be very grateful for the job that I have when there are many who are struggling to find work. But it would be a lie to say that I'm enjoying it- again because it is such a huge contrast to the freedom student life offers. It's dull, it's repetitive, it's putting up with constant negativity from customers, and actually it's quite lonely. Normally I would hate to admit something like that, but there's no point to this post if I'm not honest. But when you realise that without the money you wouldn't be able to afford your accommodation next year, let alone living costs, your attitude has to change a bit. It could be a lot worse, it's true. And actually the humbling experience of gritting your teeth and getting on with something you hate can be a positive thing. I'm learning to accept that right now, I can't have it all, but I can gain some experience that will be valuable one day.
I'm sure I've written before about being content in every situation. It might have been easier to say back then, when I was at uni and some days were horrendous but others were so full of joy and laughter and outpourings of God's grace. Now sheer boredom and tiredness is making it a bit more difficult to maintain that joyful, thankful heart God calls us to have, but at least I know that when I have learnt how to keep that joy, I will have triumphed over another obstacle, and that's probably worth more than the money I'm earning.
Patience is indeed a virtue, as the old adage says, but it's only learnt through being forced to wait for things and to persevere when things are hard. People say that I seem very calm, but by nature, I'm not very patient. This year has been good for teaching me how to wait, though, and so will this job. On the days where I come home too tired even to think, it helps to concentrate on these positives.
For the last two weeks I've felt like I had nothing I really wanted to write about, but today I realised that even this frustrating feeling is a valuable lesson learnt. You don't always get what you want, but sometimes you get what you need.
I hope you've all had a good start to the week, but if not, try to keep smiling.
C.
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