Modesty- it's not about looking like a nun, it's about respect

This was written a while ago. I have been avoiding posting it for some time (well since I started this blog really), because I know it is a controversial topic and people have differing opinions on the matter. But this has been on my heart for a while now and I feel like I need to share my thoughts. 

I’d like to add that I am not trying to make anyone conform to what I think. The only standards a Christian should be following are God’s, and it’s up to you to decide what you feel constitutes modest clothing. If you’re not a Christian, you might wonder why it's even a topic worth discussing in the 21^st century, so if you’re curious, you may want to read on for some food for thought. The bible specifically tells us not to judge others, so I am not here to tell you I don’t agree with your lifestyle, nor do I wish to offend. I urge you not to read this as though I am writing to condemn, but rather to reinforce the truth that you as women are valuable and worthy of respect.

Disclaimer out of the way, let’s move on.

I thought I would start with making the actual meaning of modesty clear.

The Dictionary.com definition of modesty says this:

1. the quality of being modest;  freedom from vanity, boastfulness, etc.

2. regard for decency of behavior, speech, dress, etc.

3. simplicity; moderation.

So according to the dictionary, dressing modestly means to dress with decency. We probably know what decency is, but it’s still not specific enough when it comes to what constitutes modest clothing and what doesn’t.

Let’s look at what the bible says about women dressing modestly.

"I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.”  1 Timothy 2: 9-10. In this verse, Timothy is specifically talking about what we should wear while in church, showing God that we are bringing our hearts before him with humility. Dressing with modesty in church is a sign of respect. I realise that Timothy was talking in context of the church, but I personally feel that we should be glorifying God all of the time whether we are in church or not, including in the way that we dress. I think it makes no sense to live out a double standard in this area of our lives when the bible makes it clear that worship should be a daily act.


  “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5: 28. OK, we cannot control people’s minds. You might think that if a man looks at you in that way then that’s his problem, not yours. But is it? If we are wearing clothes that draw too much attention to our bodies, a man is obviously going to have a harder time trying to keep his thoughts clean. If you’re covering up and he still looks at you in that way, that really is his problem (or you’re just too gosh darn attractive :P). But let’s do our bit, ladies, out of respect and consideration to our brothers in Christ.

You might not think that’s a good enough reason to dress modestly. But here’s the truth - although judging by appearances is wrong, the way you dress gives an impression to those who you meet.  A male mate of mine once explained it to me this way, when we were discussing what we’ve seen some girls wearing to clubs: ‘Men see a girl wearing that and think- I’d have sex with her, but I wouldn’t date her’. I’m not saying that this guy speaks for all men, but he has a point. It gives the impression that you have your body to offer but not much else. This of course is a) hopefully not the impression you were aiming to achieve and b) NOT TRUE- everyone has something great to offer that’s so much more than purely the physical. On the other hand, leaving something to the imagination shows that you respect yourself and want to be taken seriously (especially when it comes to professional situations).

Now, I understand that girls want to look nice. Girls, generally, like receiving positive attention from guys. It can be flattering on a superficial level knowing that guys are admiring your legs/boobs/bum/whatever.  It gives a bit of a confidence boost. But ask yourself deep down- is that kind of attention really fulfilling? It’s great to dress up; I love heels and dresses to the point that I would wear them every day if they were practical. Dress up for a night out by all means, but consider asking yourself- is what I’m wearing going to draw too much attention to my body? Is it going to cause guys to treat me disrespectfully? Don’t let your self-worth depend on whether or not guys find you attractive. You’re worth SO MUCH MORE than that. I promise.

There are clothes you probably wouldn’t want to wear while visiting your relatives, or on a job interview. My question is why? If there is nothing wrong with wearing revealing clothing, then why wouldn’t you wear that mini-skirt in front of your grandma? I know you could argue that there is a time and a place for wearing certain things, but it’s just a thought.

You might protest that clothes that are modest are usually ugly, unflattering or frumpy. That depends. It does seem harder to find stylish clothes that aren’t too revealing- modern standards have obviously shifted to the point where its seen as acceptable to wear practically nothing. But it’s not impossible. Style doesn’t have to equal short, tight and low cut. I’m not saying I never wear any of the aforementioned; when it’s 30 degrees out I am definitely going to prefer my short shorts over something that covers more skin. There are exceptions to every rule.

You might also think dressing modestly just isn’t a big deal anymore because no-one does it anyway. I don’t buy into this. Just because everyone does something does not necessarily make it right.

So what is modest? What isn’t? I’m not going to draw you detailed diagrams of how long a skirt should be or how much cleavage you can show without passing the modesty line. Everyone has varying standards when it comes to this issue- my mum for example has different opinions to me when it comes to what she considers too short or too tight. I’m also not telling you we should all dress like nuns or that ankles are scandalous (well they were once!). The definition of modesty in society has shifted since the Victorian period, and it would be a shame if being modest meant we had to cover up completely. We are not meant to be ashamed of our bodies. But there is a difference between tastefully making the most of what you have, and leaving too little to the imagination.

OK, so those were my two cents, but what do you think? Do you think dressing modestly is still important in the 21^st century? Or does it not matter anymore because everyone dresses less conservatively now? I’d love to hear your thoughts.  Again if I have caused any offence I apologise, this was written purely to express my thoughts on the issue and is not a personal dig at anyone.

Thanks for reading,

C.