The source of my joy

This post got longer than intended. Sorry about that.

When it comes to hiding emotions, I’m generally pretty good. I rarely let people see me cry, I can usually hold my temper, and I can keep a secret. Why so guarded, you ask?

Who knows?

Pride? Control? People often assume that I appear calm and quiet, so I'm not fazed by anything. It would be nice if I could really live up to these expectations, but although I can admit that I’m pretty level-headed, what people see is often just the calm surface; underneath the waters are somewhat more turbulent. But back to my point- I’m good at hiding things.

Except joy. When something good happens, I want people to know about it. I don’t mean to brag or to annoy. Maybe I do it because I like it when others do the same. If a friend has been on an amazing holiday or seen an amazing concert, I would prefer that she tell me how amazing it was, rather than that it was simply ‘good’ or ‘nice’. Don’t care how jealous I’d get, as long as I knew she fully appreciated it. Is that wrong? Maybe. I should let people do what they want, really.

I think though that sharing joy can spread it in some cases, rather than merely rub it in others’ faces.

By this time you’re probably wondering what amazing thing has happened to me.

The answer is… nothing. Or at least nothing momentous. The kind of joy I’ve had this summer has not really depended on my circumstances. Because honestly, despite the obvious perks of home, it’s not been an easy three months. Family stuff. Missing people. Work.

Everybody asks how my job is going, and when I answer them truthfully, they all reply with ‘welcome to the real world’. Perhaps they are right, but I like to think not. I need not enumerate on the reasons I’ve found it difficult, as all jobs are difficult in their own way and you have to experience them to understand. Suffice to say that as much as I’ll miss some of the people, I look forward to leaving.

I’m sure plenty of uni students have gone through some depressed moments this summer for many a reason, myself included. On the whole though I think I can safely say that I have not lost my joy.

I remember a conversation last term with my lovely friend Abi, and she said something that stuck with me. “To me,” she said, “joy is not happiness, or about how you feel. It’s the ability to say that God is good all the time, even when your circumstances are rubbish.”

If you look at joy this way, it becomes an active decision, not a changeable emotion that is manipulated by whether or not you’re enjoying the present.

For this reason I’ve been spending more time this summer thanking God and less time moaning at Him. Yes, God knows every worry and concern that I have, and He wants me to bring it before Him. Which is amazing in itself. But the fact is, God’s incredible love and goodness make everything else pale in comparison, and He deserves all the praise I can give. He deserves to be honoured by the way I behave at work. I can’t maintain the right attitude on my own; I get frustrated with people’s rudeness. But I’ve found that praying every morning for grace and strength has helped.

And I can look back over my summer and see God’s goodness so clearly, through my job but also through my friends and opportunities for some great times. But even without those things I still have every reason to be joyful.

Here’s the thing. God is not some distant being in the sky. Yes, He is the Creator of the Universe, and He knows every star by name. How amazing, then, that He should also know how many hairs are on our heads, that He should love us so vastly as to send his own Son to die, that we might not experience eternal 

separation from Him.

God is not just the Man Upstairs, and Jesus is not just some wise man who lived long ago and then died a painful death. God is the I AM; Father, Son and Spirit, and He is very much alive. His Spirit is here on Earth, and very much at work among His people.

Living life with Christ at the centre is more than praying for help when you need it or trying to 'be good'. If it were, what a stale life that would be, and how unfulfilling, as no matter how hard we try we will always stumble and fall.

But Christ transforms the hearts of those who serve Him- ‘”not by power, not by might, but by my Spirit”, says the Lord’- and this is the true source of my joy. If you have ever felt the presence of God, tangible and close and awesome, you’ll know what I mean.

I have no idea what’s in store for me this coming year, but I have no doubt that it will be exciting.

Nevertheless, this joy I have will not run out, nor will it be snatched away. And most importantly, I felt I needed to share it with you.

Thank you for reading, as always. I know I get a bit rambly.

Love

C.