The Insecurity of the Introvert

Inspiration comes in the most unexpected of places, and in this case it was on the train last night as I travelled home for my mother’s birthday. I’d been wondering recently whether inspiration was going to strike at all or if my blog was just going to end up like another project I’d started and abandoned somewhere along the way. Of course, I don’t expect it to last forever, as there is a time and place for these things, but it would
be a shame for it to end after only a few months.

Sometimes I get those days where I just take things too personally and assign negative motives to everything everyone says and does. (In other words, sometimes PMS just affects me really bad).

Even on normal days, though, this feeling rears its ugly head now and then- the insecurity that comes from feeling misunderstood.

Insecurity is something that affects everybody to a greater or lesser extent, and feeling like no-one understands you is probably something a lot of introverts experience. Being one myself, I hope any reading this can identify.

Firstly, the word introvert is often used incorrectly. Being an introvert does not necessarily mean you are a) antisocial, b) shy, or c) have no friends. It just means you gain energy from having time to yourself and doing solitary activities, whereas extroverts are stimulated by more social interaction. Introverts think a lot, but they may not say much. Introverts often express themselves better in writing than verbal communication; they may hate small talk but enjoy deep discussions.

Secondly, most people are not extreme examples of either end of the scale but lean more to one side than the other. This means an extrovert might still value some alone time, and introverts don’t hate all parties.

When I discovered this insight into introversion/extroversion, I finally understood and accepted myself a whole lot more, but sometimes I still get insecure about the way I come across.

Because being an introvert in today’s culture is not really seen as a desirable thing, at least in my experience. In school, I was constantly told off at parent’s evening for being ‘too quiet’. I was made leader of a group project and then told I did ‘surprisingly well’, as though my quieter nature was expected to equate with no confidence or leadership abilities. (I eventually became a House Leader, so that theory was disproved). The louder, more talkative kids in my class were given more attention than those who spoke less. Being an introverted university student can also be difficult- if you’re not massively into partying, you can end up feeling isolated. There seems to be a lot of pressure on people to be very social and outgoing, when that can actually go against their true natures.  

As somehow who is quite introverted, I’ve often felt misunderstood. I am by nature reasonably quiet. I’ve been blessed with an encouraging family and many opportunities to develop confidence, and I’ve reached a point in my life where I can comfortably say I’m fairly self-assured. So when others mistake me for being shy and withdrawn, I get really frustrated.

I don’t always say much, but with a tendency to blunt-ness and no-nonsense, I worry that people think I’m standoffish. I can come across as too serious and I worry that people think I’m boring, but if I try too hard to be more light-hearted I just tire myself out. I’m naturally friendly, but then people expect me to want to be chatty all the time, which isn’t the case at all. Sometimes all I want is to read a book and be left alone.

The above is surefire evidence that I worry too much. I don’t need to feel validated by anybody. God thinks I’m wonderful, so it’s silly to waste time trying to please people.

Introverted traits can be misconstrued, but there is a value in quietness. Sometimes I need to remind myself that my quietness is not a flaw but a strength.

I shouldn’t have to feel a need to apologise for who I am, what I enjoy doing or who I enjoy spending time with.

Well now that that rant’s over, I feel much better.

Any other introverts who’ve had trouble accepting themselves, or wanting to be understood?

Hopefully the next post will be less moany!

(Just to clarify- in no way is this post meant to make introverts look better than extroverts. We are all needed and valuable, and I envy you extroverts with your ability to get on with everyone so easily without needing to crawl back into your bed and watch a film afterwards).