Thoughts on Gossip (because I can't think of a more interesting title right now)

Evening lovelies! Hope your Mondays are good.

Today’s post is going to be on something that was spoken about at my home church a few weeks ago- gossip. It’s something that really winds me up but something we all do instinctively. It’s so easy to do, but why do we do it? My guess is that we are curious by nature, we like to hear about someone else so we can feel better about ourselves, and we often forget just how harmful it can be. Thankfully I don’t come across gossip as often at uni as I did when I was in school, but it still happens. And I really can't say just why this bothers me so much; I suppose we all have those pet hates or gross injustices that we react strongly to.

I’m not suggesting for one second that any of you have a problem with gossip because honestly I have no idea, but I do think it’s good to be reminded of its consequences sometimes.

ETA: I realise that this post definitely carries a somewhat angry tone (if you're surprised, please don't be, I'm not always sunshine and rainbows cheerful). But equally please don't be offended.

If you’ve not really thought about the issue before though, maybe it’s time to. When I was in sixth form I remember a day when someone (let’s call her Liz) told someone else (we’ll call her Meg) about why she was upset with another girl (Jane). Being right next to them, I couldn’t help but overhear. The thing is, all three people I just mentioned were a) all friends with each other and b) friends with me. From the sound of it, what Liz was upset about was based on what she’d heard from someone else, meaning there was yet another person involved, and who knows how much that person had exaggerated the story? It wasn’t any of my business, but I couldn't help thinking two things:

One, had Jane spoken directly to Liz, rather than telling someone else who obviously couldn’t keep a secret, it would have been solved much faster. And two, the way Liz and Meg were talking about Jane seemed unnecessarily harsh. I would have forgotten the whole thing, but later I saw Jane myself. She was obviously upset, and told me she was worried she’d said something to offend Liz. I had to listen and pretend I hadn’t already heard the story from somebody else, putting me in a very awkward position. For the rest of the day I felt so bad for Jane, who had voiced a concern in supposed confidence, only to find that it was blown out of proportion and spread around the group, turning other people against her.

It was all solved eventually, and that was rather a long and complicated story, but hopefully it illustrates how gossip has such a negative effect on others, including those you call your friends. If you have an issue, it’s usually best to go and speak to the person directly about it, because as evidenced, bringing other people into it just makes things messy. You also have the power to stop gossip. Sometimes it’s just better to say you don’t want to know, even if part of you is actually quite interested. And even if you do hear something about someone that you’re pretty sure wasn’t meant to be public knowledge, you don’t have to pass that on to everyone you know.

I’m not saying we should never tell anyone anything. Some things are too big and confusing for us to solve on our own. We need human advice sometimes, and we also need to vent. If you have a personal problem with a friend, I believe it’s ok to speak to a reliable, impartial person (preferably someone who doesn’t know this friend) and ask for their perspective. For me, it helps to remember that the person I’m discussing is not there to defend themselves; therefore I have no right to speak unkindly about them. I would definitely feel hurt if someone I cared about was saying unkind things about me.

The other important thing to remember is that we all make mistakes, and say and do things that we wouldn’t want everyone to know about. We have no right to gloat over someone else’s mistake, because we are all so desperately far from perfect. Treat others how you want to be treated, love how you want to be loved. 

As the preacher at my church said- ‘if you don’t have anything positive to say, it’s better to keep your gob shut’. Wise man.

I’m not just saying this because I have a thing against gossip. The bible, particularly Proverbs, talks a lot about it. Here are some examples-

Proverbs 11:13 ‘A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret’.

Proverbs 16:28 ‘A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends’.

Proverbs 18:8 ‘The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts’.

Proverbs 26:20 ‘Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down’.

James also talks about how out words can have a massive effect on our lives:

James 3:5 ‘Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.’

It may seem like no big deal, but words can have a bigger effect than we realise. 

Well, that’s all I really want to say on the matter. Sorry if I came across as a bit harsh here, it’s just an issue I feel strongly about. Thanks for reading,

C.